I need to admit to myself that this could all be for nothing. I am severing ties, selling my things, and saying goodbye to my first pet, Llewyn. It all could be for nothing.
It will be for nothing unless I commit myself to true change. It's relatively easy to take the steps I've taken thus far. It'll be relatively easy to move cities, to find a job to sustain myself. All of this is to create a space in which I feel I can create. The creating is the thing that this all comes down to. It doesn't matter where I end up, or what I'm doing, if I don't take the very real steps necessary to find my voice and use it.
I need to disconnect in some ways, and to connect in others. I need to detach from our fractured, distracted way of consuming media, skimming headlines and eternally scrolling. I need to avoid places where I feel marketed to without end. I need a place where I can be in touch with nature and quiet.
However, I shouldn't seclude myself entirely. If I end up in a shack in the middle of nowhere, I'll be in the very place I strove to escape in my adolescence (and really my whole life thus far). I need to remember to socialize, to find like-minded people and meaningful connections. I need to strike a balance between solitude and society. To find a place I can hear myself think, and focus on what others are saying.
That surely isn't here, but where is it?